Welcome to Britain Refugees and Immigrants

January 2025

In 2021, not long before Christmas, I applied for international protection, elsewhere typically referred to as asylum, in the Republic of Ireland, on the basis that my parents had been murdered, they both Irish citizens, and I orphaned, abducted and kept illegally as a foster child, under a false name, with a false birthday. I argued that this was to steal, under the laws of intestacy, and to exploit my person, around the relation I have to the work of my ancestors, and their contribution to public works and private enterprise.

I suggested that the Irish state had all of the evidence it needed, if not to prove this, at least to give me the benefit of the doubt and somehow help me.

After a year waiting in a hotel, I received a rejection letter from a man named Johnny J. English, curiously enough with the same name as the fictional spy played by Rowan Atkinson. My complaint had been about the United Kingdom. I should say that this was on a technical basis, for I do not blame the English, not really, but as the government is legally responsible for what happens in the country, at least at certain levels which I thought relevant, I felt it was a valid case. I imagined that I would smooth things over later - it's not your fault - I understand, we all suffer from this issue, now let's sort it out and we can clear your names. Anyway, as it was, you can imagine, I was annoyed to receive my response from a man named Johnny J. English. I suggested to the Office of the Inspector General, in Switzerland, that the security of the process had been compromised. I was worried that, complaining originally of malpractice, the situation had in fact been exacerbated whilst I was an applicant. There is a lot about the asylum process that you would never imagine. Your connection with your country of origin is severed, and you are reconnected, not to your destination country, not really, but to the UN system instead. Who is in charge of the UN system? Who should I complain to about that? The situation is more opaque than that in which I started. Oh well. Damn you all I said, I will win anyway, another way, one day.

As far as I know the Office of the Inspector General never replied.

However, none of that is the point of this article, but it should provide something of the context.

It was not an easy thing to realise that I was not British, and that all of those years of patriotism and pride were based on false pretences, the covering-up of horrific crime. You can imagine how upsetting it would be, the idea I had, that I had been lied to my entire life by the people I thought loved me most, my foster parents, those I thought of as my biological parents, with a view to subjugating me, integrating me into a criminal system, that relied on undermining the Irish and American security systems around me from Britain, and, with other orphans, with other relations, vice versa. I cried and cried my eyes out as a thirty-year-old man.

But whatever, I got over it. I said to myself the first cut is the deepest, and I was never hurt so much again. I declared myself a man of the world, denationalised myself, and looked about the planet for other sources of interest. I cannot say that I found the trade-off dissatisfactory. In fact I would advocate it. Anyway, most patriots are corrupt wusses, I say.

When I returned to Britain in October 2022 I thought to make the best of it. I felt like I was on holiday, for now somehow I was foreign. In the meantime Britain had left the EU and everything was even more British than when I had left, but fine I said, it's a wonderful country and a beautiful island, I have lots of friends here, I speak the language and know the culture. I will enjoy myself, and carry on fighting at the same time. I can be flexible too, so, I said, let us have victory for the British.

I was somewhat the wiser for my travels, one part of which was having been through the asylum process. I am not from a war-torn country, but of course, having sat at breakfast everyday with Ukrainians and Syrians and the Yemeni and Sudanese, I empathise with them more than I used to. On returning I understood that I was in the same UN system as all of the successful applicants into the UK, for they did not let go of me after rejecting my application. Even though we were in different parts of their system, I a returnee and they with a new life, it was the same thing, and so I said we are together, sort of.

Then, I said, even if I am not British, and it is not for me to say so, welcome to Britain, all of you.

I thought to myself, how should I help them? I wondered whether the UN would let me offer advice to new entrants, or perhaps language lessons, but if there is the opportunity to do so, on an official rather than backroom basis, I could not easily find it.

I am also a writer, so, I thought to myself, perhaps it is worthwhile to share it online, the advice I would offer you.

I will say it again, welcome to Britain, all refugees and immigrants. Immerse yourself in the culture. Appreciate all of it.

I am not sure what exactly I should tell you to look out for. I thought first, for example, to say that the country is mild. You might try some of the beers and the cheeses, but then, perhaps too there is something mild about cricket, and the weather, and parsley sauce.

I wonder what is next to mild - for example tolerance. I imagine that these characteristics are adjacencies, which emanate from a core principle - the island itself one supposes. But then how to see that Britain is tolerant? Logically I think it should be true, that there is space for others, if one is not too forthright about one's own views, see that their application is not too extensive, but perhaps the evidence for that is more in the other than the self, the success of international cuisine for example. This then is for you - save me from mudanity and mediocrity - propose to me diversity of which I never in the past conceived. Having appreciated what you find here in the first place, critique it and add to it.

I told myself I would seek to enjoy the very best. I bought myself marmalade and jam from Fortnum and Mason, which is worth it, and promised myself cocktails at the Savoy Hotel, which I have not yet managed, but perhaps will. Tell yourself as I do, to ensure safe passage wherever I go, in my own mind and with my feelings, I am honoured here and can do whatever I like. I am sure they won't mind if you do. There are practicalities involved, which I too must accept, but if you smile nicely I do not see why you should not appreciate the high end of British culture as well as the low.

Many of my finest memories began with browsing in a second-hand bookshop, and today the potential of the offer found online is ever such good value. Since returning to London in the spring last year I have often sustained myself on Madhur Jaffrey's World Vegetarian, which I bought from World of Books, the author of which presents her recipes with the nicest, largest smile, so bright that I cannot help but greet her when I see the book - ‘Good morning Madhur!’.

Once upon a time I bought various second-hand travel guides to the British Isles, to help me in planning an adventure across them. One of the reasons that I enjoy these books is that they are evocative of the 1970s, the decade in which and for which they were written. I think perhaps that this is good advice for new arrivals, buy old, second-hand travel guides - something to hold on to, when the new contains much that will soon be discarded.

Walking of course is cheap, and the footpaths are much better in Britain than elsewhere. In Scotland you can go wild camping, and it is worthwhile to do so, but again you must accept the practicalities. I was desperate to leave the wild - cold, wet and starving - and delighted once I arrived at the village on the coast which I had only imagined as a destination, but by then it was late night, and I would wait to eat for several more hours, barely able to sleep I was so hungry, before morning arrived and I could finally breakfast.

Now I am back I look about me once more thinking of where to go and what to do with my time. My travel guide advises of the ‘patchwork of natural beauty’, which I think apt, and another thing, a useful idea, of the geological dividing line from the mouth of the Tees to that of the Exe in Devon - ‘north and west of this line lie the geologically ancient mountain zones and hill areas of Britain, among which are nearly all the National Parks and Forest Parks’¹. Since returning, I have just about made it to the Lake District. It took me half my adult life to get to the Outer Hebrides. I can tell you I think next I will walk more of the South Downs Way, and no doubt that will take years to complete.

The other thing I am enjoying at the moment is The Oxford Illustrated Literary Guide to Great Britain and Ireland, which cost me three pounds fifty. Of course, you might make it over to Ireland, but on this side of the sea, so far in flicking through the book, I have wondered about a trip to Lichfield, birthplace of Dr. Johnson, and to Rock Ferry, when once again I am in the North West, to see the home of Nathaniel Hawthorne whilst he was U.S. Consul to Liverpool (1853-56). After Rock Ferry I saw Roscrow, which intrigued me, as it reminded me of the lyrics to a song by Midlake called Roscoe.

I wonder what if my name had changed into something more productive like Roscoe.

Of course my name was changed at birth.

The entry for Roscrow says see Penryn, and so I did, which recounts the beautiful pictures of Mrs. Delany, who came to stay at the manor of Roscrow, which overlooks Pendennis castle.

My name would have been, or is, James O'Brien, and I would have grown up near Ennis on the West Coast of Ireland.

Now I live in Islington, which I read was once too the home of Charles Lamb, whose book only just now I have bought, which contains famous adaptations of Shakespeare for children.

This brings me neatly onto the subject of how you might learn the language, or improve your existing skills. My advice here would be to buy digital books (the complete works of Charles Lamb cost me £2.49 on delphiclassics.com) and to use the translate function as you go to check the meaning in your native language, because I could never learn by perusing only simple phrases, as it is dull to do so, but I will spend some hours enjoying the classics of French, German, Spanish and Italian literature, and have picked up something.

Wie froh bin ich, dass ich weg bin! Bester Freund, was ist das Herz des Menschen!²

Next to literature I suppose sits philosophy, and next to philosophy science. I will not speak of what the British will or will not teach you about the basics of physics, biology and chemistry, but perhaps I should recall some of their wisdom. Never surrender, from Winston Churchill, and never give into blackmail, from Margaret Thatcher. I would like to think they would advise the same for all of us. John Locke I have always held before me, reminding myself of my limitations, that all I know is held within the limits of my own experience. Dr. Johnson - various - but perhaps this is on the basis of a commitment to understanding things for what they really are, or to separating wheat from the chaff. One more, another second-hand book, G.M. Trevelyan's Illustrated English Social History.

Men were still unable to comprehend the modern doctrine which (Robert) Owen first clearly grasped and taught, that environment makes character and that environment is under human control.

I think it would be amusing to advise you briefly on what to eat, should you wish to expand your repertoire. Sandwiches for example are quite British. I have been trying to learn to cook and have recently taken up the objective to make better sandwiches. Nigel Slater I read with some interest enjoys a salad sandwich. I have never had a salad-only sandwich, in the past considering salad a possible accompaniment to cheese, but I think I will try one. I don't know what you’ll make of this idea, but one of my favourite chefs is Deborah Madison, an American, and one of the easiest improvements she suggests is to fry the onions before adding them to a cheese sandwich, before cooking it on both sides in butter or olive oil.

Now you have moved to Britain, you might one day consider the relation of Britain to Ireland, America, Australia etc. and of course to Europe and further afield. One day you might become so British that you feel the urge to growl on noticing the presence of American foodstuffs in the shops, or Americans walking along the street, or you might begin your self-education in that direction too (for example try Benjamin Franklin) and welcome them to Britain your home.

1. AA Illustrated Guide to Britain, 1977

2. Die Leiden des Jungen Werthers, J.W. von Goethe